High Heels in Munich

This article should not be viewed if you are under 18 years of age: Seems as if the blogs are getting progressively worse but this one is about as bad as it gets, so no worries.

As many of you know, I have been doing fertility treatment over the last 2 years. It's been a tough and trying journey, mentally and physically, with 3 pregnancies which all resulted in 3 early miscarriages. It is during this time that I started to write a book ( the title remains secret), probably to take my mind off things and to keep me cheerful and sane. The blogs that I have written are extracts from this, I don't want to include too much because when I have finished putting everything together, I would like to approach a publisher.

With all fertility, comes a sperm test. And a funny little box. So let's talk turkey. My darling husband has to have his swimmers there by 8am and he can't get it there later than 25 minutes after the start of the race. The alarm is set for 6.45am, far too early for me, so I pretend not to hear. Hubby gets up and he's acting as happy as Larry until he remembers the task of the day. So he gets all formal, as if it's going to sway the result (speaking of which came out the lab as above average, thought I'd just mention that). Deep down he is panicking, what if his swimmers aren't good enough to swim the length of an Olympic sized pool?

This is far too early for me, and I mumble that he needs to do it buffet style i.e. help himself. A few minutes pass and he is worse than an overcooked noodle, an absolute CRIME for an Italian. Must be al-dente, must be al-dente, I hear my Italian grandmother's words. I can see him getting into a panic over the time because he needs to drop off his little box and get to an early morning meeting.

And so I decide to offer him an annual treat, as a good, devoted wife should (you know I am taking the mickey, dont you?) He snaps back at me, asking me if I am off my head, shouting at me that I haven't brushed my teeth yet and that I would contaminate it with bacteria!! Snappish! He is far too serious, I roll over and go back to sleep.

Off he runs to catch the tram with his precious little box, hurry hurry I screech after him, don't be late!

I shudder at the thought of my family reading this, wondering if they'd be able to swallow it!!